Dicitionary.com defines a widow as “a woman who has lost her husband by death and has not remarried". Sorry but that is a load of bull. I’m so much more than that... I’m still a wife that wants to wear her wedding rings, a best-friend that talks to her husband out loud, and a mother that wants help from her husband with their son.
My friend told me the other day that I was a “good wife”. And that really made me think... what am I still holding onto? My marriage? Everything that will never be and that could have been... I don’t want to become a bitter resentful ...wife. Im not a wife. I stopped wearing my wedding rings a little bit ago because I wasn’t fooling anyone and certainly wasn’t fooling myself.
And I used to really hate checking that word under relationships “widow”. Despised what it represented. The life that I had been waiting for ,that love that I always wanted, was over. It ended. There is nothing more final that what happened to Michael. Again, I’m not a wife … I’m a widow.
But I’m going to make that word mine! I won’t let any word sum my pain, my anger, my love , and my life by some pathetic sentence that excludes every thing I’m going through. I have decided this is a battle... a war I have to wage on myself. There are things I need to do to get on with my life. I need to start remembering that ,second to my son, I am the most important person. Not anyone else. I am becoming healthier in my eating lifestyle and I want to extend that to all parts of me. After all, this is a battle.
On that note, I have to say goodbye to my old gamer tag. Michael and I met on xbox and I used to be “Ocontrary” and ,when we got married, I became “Mrs.finbar1263” (Michael’s gamer tag was Finbar1263) I loved being “Mrs.Finbar1263” and now I have to love being... just me. And I have a feeling that is going to be the toughest part of my journey. Yes I said it - MINE! Yikes!
And I used to really hate checking that word under relationships “widow”. Despised what it represented. The life that I had been waiting for ,that love that I always wanted, was over. It ended. There is nothing more final that what happened to Michael. Again, I’m not a wife … I’m a widow.
But I’m going to make that word mine! I won’t let any word sum my pain, my anger, my love , and my life by some pathetic sentence that excludes every thing I’m going through. I have decided this is a battle... a war I have to wage on myself. There are things I need to do to get on with my life. I need to start remembering that ,second to my son, I am the most important person. Not anyone else. I am becoming healthier in my eating lifestyle and I want to extend that to all parts of me. After all, this is a battle.
On that note, I have to say goodbye to my old gamer tag. Michael and I met on xbox and I used to be “Ocontrary” and ,when we got married, I became “Mrs.finbar1263” (Michael’s gamer tag was Finbar1263) I loved being “Mrs.Finbar1263” and now I have to love being... just me. And I have a feeling that is going to be the toughest part of my journey. Yes I said it - MINE! Yikes!
