So I went up to the dating pool and dipped a tippy-toe in to test the waters. However, the water was just too frigid , too deep, and I realized I forgot how to swim. I tried to work through some of my A.M.D (after Michael’s death) emotional issues at the same time. Long story short … I got scared and it rolled into a big ball labeled “misunderstanding”. And I don’t expect anyone else to understand if I’m not given a chance to explain. Putting your heart on the chopping block is hard enough much less if you recently lost your soul mate. And I know, I know …”too soon” are two words I’ve heard from a lot of people. But deep under the bitterness and the anger...I’m an optimist.
My friend (she knows who she is) gave me the perfect advice when I called her crying...something Michael would have said to me about not settling. I had a best friend and that is what I’m going to wait for and I know it will be worth the wait.
I need some one who is going to understand that I’m always going to have issues from Michael’s death. Watching someone you love and cherish die is going to do that to you. Death is very real to me now and I’m rebuilding my heart every step of my way. I need someone that will be strong enough to hold me because sometimes I’m just going to need reassurance - that everything is going to be alright. I know there are men out there like that. Michael was one...its a little harder for my father because he has the constant compulsion to fix something no one can fix. My brother-in-law , Joe , is another...he has no idea how much I appreciate his ability to calm me down just like his brother managed to do. Hopefully, I will raise our son to be one.
My friend (she knows who she is) gave me the perfect advice when I called her crying...something Michael would have said to me about not settling. I had a best friend and that is what I’m going to wait for and I know it will be worth the wait.
I need some one who is going to understand that I’m always going to have issues from Michael’s death. Watching someone you love and cherish die is going to do that to you. Death is very real to me now and I’m rebuilding my heart every step of my way. I need someone that will be strong enough to hold me because sometimes I’m just going to need reassurance - that everything is going to be alright. I know there are men out there like that. Michael was one...its a little harder for my father because he has the constant compulsion to fix something no one can fix. My brother-in-law , Joe , is another...he has no idea how much I appreciate his ability to calm me down just like his brother managed to do. Hopefully, I will raise our son to be one.
I know years from now, I’m still going to cry when I miss Michael. I noticed rather quickly A.M.D that crying upset others. Some it would make uncomfortable, some it would make cry, and some would try to get me to stop crying. But my crying is not a weakness, no - it is one of my biggest strengths. It helps me bend when others would break.
All of this made me realize that I am much stronger than I ever knew... and I am just beginning to discover that new part of myself. Even ,as scared as I am, I know some day I’ll find that person who loved me like Michael and whom I can love like I did Michael. Because regardless of who you fall in love with, I think the whole point of loving another is to bring out the best in that person by ,not seeing them not as pieces, but seeing their entire true selves and accepting them without judgement. That is where you find forgiveness. I have a great capacity for forgiveness...but some just have too much pride too ask or take that first precarious step in forgiving others. Finding that love like I did - and finding it again - is worth the pain and the wait. So here I am ... waiting. Peace and love to you all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FBKa-bCasY Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole Some where over the Rainbow
What is your greatest strength?
All of this made me realize that I am much stronger than I ever knew... and I am just beginning to discover that new part of myself. Even ,as scared as I am, I know some day I’ll find that person who loved me like Michael and whom I can love like I did Michael. Because regardless of who you fall in love with, I think the whole point of loving another is to bring out the best in that person by ,not seeing them not as pieces, but seeing their entire true selves and accepting them without judgement. That is where you find forgiveness. I have a great capacity for forgiveness...but some just have too much pride too ask or take that first precarious step in forgiving others. Finding that love like I did - and finding it again - is worth the pain and the wait. So here I am ... waiting. Peace and love to you all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FBKa-bCasY Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole Some where over the Rainbow
What is your greatest strength?
